


rewrite the stars

by shadowkissed



Series: stars. (they will guide us home) [2]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Choi Yeonjun-Centric, Established Relationship, M/M, Mild Angst, Minor Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun, Polyamory, Tattoo Artist Choi Yeonjun, going against the system then choi yeonjun happened, heartbreaks, mention of spider tattoo?, not soulmates and yes soulmates, tattoo needles ofc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkissed/pseuds/shadowkissed
Summary: Soulmates!au in which everyone lives in a world of black and white, and only start seeing colours when they meet their soulmates. Yeonjun’s soulmate is in love with someone who lives in a world of black and white.(Yeonjun fell in love in monochrome, and Soobin taught him to love in colours.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: stars. (they will guide us home) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012149
Comments: 18
Kudos: 186





	rewrite the stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Paltita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paltita/gifts).



> [playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5SOfK8C9PxJWsV7DIm7FRS?si=O0nO47S2RoOhd1i_AkGpfQ) // this fic can be read as either a stand alone or a second part of the series, since it's everything from yeonjun's pov and after c:

What makes a person your soulmate?

One would say that it’s an unexplainable connection forming between two individuals from the first time they met. Something predetermined even before you were born because, after all, your souls are made in the same breath. A tender, invisible cord connecting your souls, and tugging into your heart strings the first time you locked eyes with your _one_. The sound of bells in the far background when you walked past someone. 

Others would also theorize that it’s a chemical reaction. Your body will feed some kind of chemical into your brain after the encounter with your loved one. It’s akin to a reaction to pain; the rush of adrenaline that nulls your senses. When you are with your soulmate, your senses are heightened towards the person, until you realized that nothing else matters anymore.

The concept of soulmate for Yeonjun is painted with colours.

It’s something written in the stars. The names among many others that are eventually carried together into one constellation formed especially for them. The only colours among the monotone black and white he wakes up to in the morning. The inked shape that sits on his skin like an unwelcomed guest on bad days. 

The permanence that sounds romantic and dreamy, until you wake up feeling constricted by the concept. Tied to a stranger somewhere in the globe.

But it’s the norm. 

In the world where colours are only given to people who have found their soulmates, you are supposed to wait to give your heart.

Yeonjun learned about love in various ways throughout his life.

It started with the purest kind of love, as he was born in a household filled with love. In the black and whiteness he witnessed through his child-like, innocent eyes, he saw the embodiment of love in his parents. He often wondered how someone could look so happy and content living in such a dull world, in which his mother responded with a laugh and a gentle pat on his hair. 

_“You will find out one day, when you meet the person who brings colours into your life. Your One.”_

He was born and raised as a love child, and he grew up as a hopeless romantic. All starry eyed, waiting for his fated one to show up. He would peer into his own soulmate mark in the mirror, have it ingrained inside his head so that he wouldn’t miss it the moment he found someone else who had the same one. 

Every day passed, he was giddy with the thought of finding his _one_. 

And then he grew up. 

When you were a teenager, the stars had gradually fallen from your eyes. Your innocence was stripped away the more you saw the reality of the things you admired when you were clueless about everything. 

Or ignorant. Because everything is always prettier when you pretend not to see the problem. 

Yeonjun saw it in how his parents faked their smiles to the neighbours in order to create an illusion of this perfect couple. His mother used to brush it off with a tired smile when he asked, while his father looked mainly ashamed, but ended up firmly telling him to cut it off. He saw it in the way colours bled out from their house. Even when he couldn’t see them, he recognized the shades that were stripped away. Bright shades of his monochrome palette were replaced with the dark grey shades of liquor bottles and smoky rings from his mother’s late night secret smoking sessions. 

The gradual loss of the colourful household was finalized with the door slammed close behind his father’s departing back. 

The worst thing was that his mother never was sad about her soulmate leaving her for someone else, she was sad because he brought the colours with him when he left. 

The privilege of seeing the colourful world is taken away from you when you give up on your soulmate. 

Yeonjun started to wonder if he should even start believing it in the first place.

It dawned on him as he lay down on a wet patch of a field, welcoming the rain water coming in slow drizzle to his face and aching body. He was fourteen, picking up fights with everyone, and severing all connections with the friends he had.

 _Close your eyes. Inhale. Open your eyes_. The world is perpetually black and white and it sucks, but you just have to suck it up and live on.

It was the first strike.

After his twentieth birthday, the concept of soul mate started becoming a coil of metal collar around his neck. 

The blue and yellow crown shaped mark on his nape that he found beautiful as a kid now felt like an ugly scar, one that behaved like an itch on his skin, making him feel disassociated at certain nights. That was when he decided to get his first tattoo, and then a second, and many more printed across his skin. 

They made him feel like he actually had a choice. 

Which he actually had the moment he started finding love in other people. 

The first time he fell in love, it was mutual. Also mutually, both of them bore their own soulmate marks. Everyone told them that it wasn’t supposed to happen. All the judging stares and whispered warnings of _this is just going to end badly._ Yet they were happy. It ignited Yeonjun's admiration for love that was once vanquished in the wake of his parents’ divorce.

Their love was hard and fast, and when you loved someone that passionately, you thought it would go on and on forever. Like a fire that couldn’t be vanquished. 

Except, it only took a single drop of water.

What started with a whispered _“Our soulmate marks couldn’t dictate who we love, Yeonjun-ah. I love you,”_ against his lips and long hair tickling his neck turned into a cold “ _I found my soulmate, Jun. You’ll understand when you meet yours.”_

It was sick how the universe played them. One day they were at the top of the world; intertwined hands, smiles locked in a kiss, and then the next day it was all thrown into the drain because of a stranger who walked into her life.

This time, he was lying down on the bed too big for himself, in the apartment he used to share with the love of his life. No muddy patches around him, just pieces of his broken heart as he promised to never fall in love ever again.

 _Close your eyes. Inhale. Open your eyes_. The world is still black and white, and it gets darker. 

That was strike two. 

He found it easier to live freely once he detached himself from the whole soulmate and love, as well as the structure made by the society. Despite knowing that one day, his soulmate mark would come and bite him in the ass. 

For the time being, he shall live. 

Tinder dates were a common thing. A lot of the people active in the application were just looking for their destined ones, proudly displaying their soulmate mark on their profiles. Yeonjun swiped left on them, picking ones who had given up on it as well. 

It was the best period of his time. All the dates, meeting people who didn’t sneak a glance at his nape when he tried to flirt. He _lived._

There were a series of short infatuations,

(“I like you, I do, but I really can’t enter another relationship just to keep your bed warm while you’re waiting for your soulmate.”

“You think I’d leave you for my soulmate once I found them?”

“Yes. They always do.”

This made him laugh bitterly. The way it hit too close to home. “They actually do.”)

dates with people who were just looking for a short rebound from their own significant others,

(“What was your name again? Huening Kai?” 

“Yes—ah! Did I talk too much? I’m sorry, I haven’t been on a date for ages.”

“I just find it funny that you keep saying you hate your ex, then started telling me about how cute he looked with apple hair.”

Silence.

“Do you think I should call him?”

Yeonjun snorted at that, seeing to how the guy had already picked up his phone even as he was wondering.)

and quick relationships that ended in good terms

(“I find it funny that it took me four months of dating you to realize that I can't see you romantically.”

A drop of tear slowly trickled down the side of Yeonjun’s face, but it was not caused by her statement. It was mainly the work of these five cups of spicy ramyeon he was stuffing into his mouth, and he almost missed the mockery in the flat tone of Sooyoung’s words until he looked up from his movie and caught her staring at him with a straight face.

“Don’t lie. You were absolutely head over heels with me.”

Enough to still keep his ass around as a roommate once they broke up. They were also best friends throughout the whole period of their relationship, after all. 

The first piece of soulmate he saw on someone else.

“Fuck you, give me one,” despite her smaller frame, she bodyslammed him out of the way just to gain access to the food. This was also the thing he loved more about her, but they agreed that they could only love each other in this way. 

And it was perfect).

Yeonjun thought that he had experienced all kinds of love at this point.

Oh, how he was in for a big surprise. 

==

The last two kinds of love came to him in the pair of star-crossed lovers.

When he saw his new customer walking around outside of the display window of his tattoo studio, Yeonjun didn’t think much about him. A lot of people loitered around this side of the street, stopped by to admire his designs, and walked away when noticing that he didn’t offer colours. People who started seeing colours just won’t seem to settle with black and white anymore.

The first time Choi Beomgyu walked past that door, they saw each other in the shades of monochromes. 

Yeonjun thought that he saw colours the moment he looked into the pair of eyes, only realizing later on that they were just twinkles of excitement; admiration that poured out from every inch of his new customer as he told the tattooist how beautiful his designs were.

It was the purest kind of love that one could offer to a stranger. One that could bleed a spark of colours into this dull world. 

(Or perhaps Yeonjun had hoped that this pretty guy bore the same soulmate mark as he did, underneath that fluffy coat too big for his small frame.)

“Seriously, though. I really love your designs! Especially that one you drew on the glass outside; the heart with thorny wires coiling around it? It made me ache a little,” he said, gesturing towards his own chest. “Around here.”

Yeonjun got praised a lot. He had been picturing and drawing a lot of random designs even before he had his first tattoo, and this stranger just made him feel like he had been praised for the first time. 

“That was the first big tats I did on myself actually,” he said, reaching towards his shoulder where that particular tattoo was hidden under his shirt.

“Oh? That’s even cooler! I want to see…”

Yeonjun noticed the way Beomgyu’s eyes were slowly scanning the expanse of his skin that was littered with various tattoos, taking in how each one looked with careful observation. They lingered particularly long over the mentioned design half-covered by the sleeve of his black shirt. Curious.

The guy looked so fascinated by the canvas that was his body, that Yeonjun couldn’t help to tease.

“Are you telling me to take off my clothes?”

There it was, the first warmth of satisfaction filling his chest from making the latter sputter in his flustered state. If they were granted colours, he would probably see a shade of red across his cheeks, as those romance books would describe. 

It would be a perfect meeting with his soulmate, if only Beomgyu was his.

Beomgyu wanted to get a tattoo of a quote, which he admitted to be dedicated to his boyfriend. It invited an arch of eyebrow from the tattooist, which he masked with a nonchalant glance as he scribbled an initial design of the calligraphed quote on a piece of paper. 

_I’m glad you found me again._

“It’s surprising that you would get a black and white one,” he said curtly, ignoring the mildly surprised glance thrown at him. Probably from the change of tone. “Most people usually go for the colourful ones when dedicating a tattoo for their significant other.”

There was a short silence in which Beomgyu’s confusion filled the space, only to be replaced by a tinkling laugh from the male later as he realized. 

“I only have black and white ones. Why would I get coloured ones on my skin when I can’t even see them?”

Now, that was a surprise, might even be offensive as it was pictured all over his face. Beomgyu had the understanding glint in his eyes, as if he had gotten this a lot. He even had the story ready, how he was born without a soulmate mark, and that he was dating someone who had one. How he was granted the chance to be in love until his boyfriend found his soulmate. 

Until then, Beomgyu was the one who’s found by that person. He was content with that. 

As they moved into the working area of the studio, with Beomgyu perched on the treatment chair, Yeonjun offered him a way out once again. 

“You know that this can’t be undone, right? Why are you seeking permanency for numbered days?” he asked.

Beomgyu snorted, looking at him like he was the silly one. 

“Tell me, Yeonjun-ssi, are your feelings numbered by days?”

Beomgyu was a man destined for an eternity of monochrome life, yet he held the purest and the most selfless kind of love in his eyes ever since the first time their eyes locked. One that reminded Yeonjun of his kid self from the past.

He was used to it, falling in love with someone he was not supposed to. That was why it’s okay even if Beomgyu, who was sitting in his dull tattoo studio with the eyes of someone absolutely lovesick, came to teach him another lesson. 

It would be an honour, to have his heart broken by someone who held the stars he had lost when he was a kid.

That was why he couldn’t bring himself to decline when Beomgyu asked him out the next time they met to finish the tattoo design. He fooled himself into thinking that there was a chance Beomgyu could love him as well, because unlike his boyfriend, Yeonjun would never let their days be numbered. He had given up on his soulmate, after all. 

Choi Beomgyu, with all his selfless unnumbered feelings, deserved someone who would love him without counting down to an inevitable day. 

==

The first time he fell in love with someone he was supposed to, it was a love that bound to end in tragedy.

He should’ve known since the first time Soobin approached him and pointed out the colour of his hair, which was dyed blue. 

The first colour Soobin had seen on him was blue, while he saw the pink of the male’s lips as he looked up at him. The pink that spread across his visage, reaching his dark hair and finally his whole being. That very second, the stranger became the only colourful thing he saw in the middle of his monochrome world. 

It was the same colour of the small bouquet of roses he had on top of the table. A silly little gesture he thought would bring Beomgyu into laughter. It could melt away all the awkwardness that could form between them at the thought of this being a ‘date’. If only Beomgyu actually showed up. 

Instead, his soulmate was the one who walked into the scene, bringing the smile that ruined everything he’d ever believed him. 

He was so sure that he would hate his soulmate, just the way he hated the system that made his parents stay together for years without any love. How he hated the system for taking away the chance of loving someone because of choice and not because _it is what’s predetermined._

They said that the first colour you saw on your soulmate determined what you felt about the meeting, and it made Yeonjun burst into laughter.

Choi Soobin made him see _pink_. 

After half his life spending time convincing himself and everyone else that he would never submit into this fucked-up system, in the end he was still a lovesick teenager who was yearning to meet the love fated for him by the universe. 

“Do I look funny?” he asked, still looking nervous as he stood awkwardly next to his table. “I agree that this is not my best look, definitely not the one I’d want to present in front of—“

“Shut up, you look great. It’s just… I got stood up by a date and then I found you, here.”

A small smile played on Soobin’s lips. As if the nervousness was never there to begin with. “Isn’t it the other way around? I was the one who found you in this little corner of yours.”

It had been so many years since the last time Yeonjun imagined the day he would meet his soulmate, but this scenario was definitely not _it_. There was no fairytale kind of slow motion entrance, bells ringing in the background, or a slow dance in a ballroom. 

There was only Soobin and his shy smile, poorly masked by the neverending topics he brought into the table. And them. They were just two boys who got stood up on the same night and found their ways to each other. 

Teenager, lovesick Yeonjun would probably find it romantic, still. Especially because his soulmate was someone who’s so easy to love. He had a lot of love to offer, a lot of thoughts and a lot of affections. He was the kind of love teenager Yeonjun would picture as he touched his soulmate mark. The same one as the one he could see starkly printed on Soobin’s wrist. 

This was the soulmate the universe gave to him. 

But Choi Soobin was also the kind of soulmate who saw blue when he saw you for the first time. The colour that meant sadness. 

Yeonjun knew the reason only at the end of the meeting. 

It was getting late, and Soobin kept checking his phone. The gesture invited a curious, harmless question, which was answered by a dimpled smile. 

“My boyfriend. I was supposed to meet him here tonight.”

The smile that faded only when he realized what he said. His eyes grew alarmed, searching Yeonjun’s face. 

He snorted, waving off the awkwardness in the air. “Nothing wrong with that, I literally brought flowers for someone today. The whole soulmate thing is just colour distribution anyway.”

Soobin exhaled in relief, though he was still being too careful when he spoke again. Walking on a thread. 

“I’m glad, and it’s been lovely to meet you, hyung. But Beomgyu doesn’t usually forget our plans and ignore texts, so I’m…” the rest of his words got through into Yeonjun’s brain in distorted noise. He should’ve seen it coming. 

The common link between them was that they both got stood up. And he caught Beomgyu staring for quite a long time at his soulmate mark the last time they met. He must have purposely set them up to meet in this stage, without him in the picture. 

Without him in Yeonjun’s picture, as he didn’t actually ask him for a date. He asked Yeonjun to be his boyfriend’s date. 

The flowers just looked extra pathetic now, in all their pinkness. 

==

The blue colour bled into Yeonjun’s vision on his way home. He noticed the same shade of his hair in the buildings and neon lights he passed on the way back to his apartment. A new world he stepped into the moment he left from the café where he met his soulmate.

The only good thing that came out from the meeting was that his world turned colourful, so he basked in it. 

He spent hours sitting on a bench that night, in the middle of the slowly quieting city. The colours were moving around him in flash and the sky void of stars forming a dark blue carpet above him as he tipped his head back to glare at it. Even the stars were avoiding his anger tonight. 

_Close your eyes. Inhale. Open your eyes._ The universe still hurts you and it sucks, but at least you have the privilege to see colours. 

Even if it costs your heart breaking two times in the same night. 

==

Soobin came over to his tattoo studio on the weekend, relaying a message from his boyfriend about how sorry he was for standing Yeonjun up and trying to pick up from where they left it. He looked so genuine and happy about meeting Yeonjun again, telling him about the variety of colours he had discovered since their meeting.

Ones that Yeonjun could see, as well. The orange of Soobin’s cardigan, the redness on his nose from the cold air outside, the same pink lips. The colour made him think that the guy would look pretty with pink hair. 

But then, Choi Soobin already looked too pretty for his own good. It’s so unfair. 

“You know that us being soulmates doesn’t mean anything right, Soobin-ah?” he cut Soobin off from his narration about colours. He had to avert his gaze back towards the tattoo design he was working on a dummy skin to not pay attention to the way Soobin’s smile fell from his perfectly sculpted lips. 

“Hyung?”

“I like dating and I don’t want to settle with one person, so if that’s what you have in mind, I would have to cut you off. You have a boyfriend already, so it should be alright for us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Us being soulmates. If you think it gives us an obligation to date or something, you got it wrong. I’m an avid non-believer of the whole soulmate system. I believe nothing is worse than being lovers out of soulmate obligation, so I hope you’re not that kind of person.”

“That’s valid, hyung. Just… I just think it’d be nice to discover colours together, with you,” Soobin said, quickly adding in the end as he received a sharp glare from the latter. “As friends?”

“As friends. Please…” 

_Please don’t break his heart for me._

At that moment, the door of his studio was open with Sooyoung cautiously stepping into the small place. That was the second he remembered how to breathe again. 

“I have a customer now, Soobin. Close the door on your way out.”

When Soobin left, Sooyoung started complaining about how Yeonjun had lied about being in an emergency situation that made her panic and drop her friends at their bowling session. But she eventually shut up when Yeonjun just stayed quiet behind his working table. The design he was working on was torn in the middle with the ink from his tattoo machine breaking across the perfectly drawn angel wings. Ruined.

“What’s wrong, Jun? Was that guy bothering you?” she asked. 

“No, that was my soulmate,” he laughed, lifting his gaze to meet hers. “Finally, huh? I found him.”

Sooyoung gave him a long look, going so quiet that it became unsettling. That was, until she dropped the question.

“Are you happy?”

“I am. We agreed not to cross boundaries and all, you know how much I hate the soulmate system. The whole dating because what the stars had written for us bullshit,” he waved it off with a scoff. The smile started to feel foreign on his face, especially since Sooyoung didn’t mirror his excitement. 

She gave him a silent, long stare that made his laughter fade off into silence. 

“If you’re so happy,” she reached towards him, gentle fingers brushing across Yeonjun’s cheek. “Why did you start crying the moment he walked out?”

Yeonjun wished he knew.

==

It was easier to accept that he couldn’t go back to a world of grayscales once he accepted the fact that he had found his soulmate.

He decided to focus on the colours, how they had opened a whole new world for him to explore. Tattooing was still better in black and white, but he opened himself to try for coloured ones now, letting colours bleed into the angsty black and white of his usual designs. A new corner on his display walls. 

The tinder dates were still an option too. Something fun to pass the weekend and new people to meet and separate without any commitments. 

The only difference was that he allowed Soobin into his routines. During the gaps of scheduled tattoo appointments, he would sometimes turn up unannounced in the tattoo studio, just like the first time he showed up in Yeonjun’s life. He would talk about colours, about his days, and Beomgyu. It’s always Beomgyu. 

He felt like he started knowing more about the guy even if they didn’t see each other anymore. And he couldn’t help to still feel the ripples of warmth in his chest at the thought of the boy.

It was the way Soobin talked about him. They were not soulmates, not written anywhere in the stars, yet he made it sound like Beomgyu had hand picked all the stars from the sky just to make their own constellation in their home. 

The worst thing for him was that he didn’t feel jealous or hateful for the fact that he wasn’t anywhere in the equation. 

He liked this Soobin who’s in love with his Beomgyu. 

They also visited some places together, chasing after all the colours offered by the world. There was a hidden neighbourhood where everything was painted in colour, and one clad in black and white. Yeonjun gasped aloud when he saw the former, never seen so many colours in one place together. 

“Aren’t you glad you agreed to close your place to come with me for the day?” Soobin teased, noticing the fascination in his eyes that made him freeze for a good one minute.

He gave a whack on the poor boy’s side. “Don’t push it. I only agreed because I’m not going anywhere past recognizing RGB.”

“Red, green, and blue are what you need primarily anyway, but I want you to see the rest of them, hyung. You’re missing out.”

“Why do you care? It’s not like I can’t do it on my own,” he scoffed.

“Because I care about you?” Soobin frowned, looking offended for a second. “We’re supposed to discover the beauty of the world with each other anyway, nothing changes that even if we’re not like any other soulmates pairs.”

He’s back to smiling again, and when Yeonjun looked into his eyes this time, he didn’t find stars twinkling inside the dark orbs. They sparkled in a silver glint of sunshine that’s shimmering across blue sea water’s surface. That’s what Soobin held in his eyes when he was brimming with excitement.

Only then did Yeonjun realize that Soobin looked the prettiest in full colours. 

It didn’t change the fact that he was only a placeholder, the only one Soobin could share his colours with because his only _person_ was not granted the same privilege.

At the end of the day, they were still soulmates, and he found a soulmate in Soobin as a comforting presence. 

Any other day they spent the whole day together, it was by doing something really mundane. 

Soobin had come over bringing a box filled with colourful tiny items. They spent a whole day making bracelets with the colourful glass beads, marvelling on how pretty they were under various lights when they tested, or when they simply sat around their wrists. 

When Yeonjun asked why he suddenly came up with this activity, Soobin just shrugged initially, trying to find an answer himself. 

“No reason. I just really love colours,” he said, a hint of sheepish edge on his smile. 

At the end of the day, Yeonjun put the best bracelet he made during the day around Soobin’s wrist before he left to another side of the road with a nonchalant “A gift. Keep it well.”

Soobin smiled the brightest when he was receiving love. It made him feel accomplished.

At least this was the only thing he could give to the boy. Colours. 

He was just doing his role as his soulmate.

It was unfortunate that his acceptance was the one that made things murkier. The moment he let Soobin further into his life, a traitorous thought started forming in his mind that _this is it. This is how it should be._ But Yeonjun knew it was nothing but an illusion. One that kept his parents together for so many years in one hell of a relationship.

So he met more strangers instead. People who wouldn’t fall in love with him out of obligation.

One of them was the cute weird guy who’s absolutely in love with his ex-boyfriend, but kept going on other dates in search of refuge when they fought. Yeonjun recognized him even after years passed, and even if he was taller now, and driving a fancy car. 

“Huening Kai. I can’t believe we meet again,” he deadpanned when the familiar male turned up at the restaurant. 

“Hey, hyung! I broke up with my ex again!”

“The same one?”

“The very same one.”

Even when he was bolder too, and talked about his ex less. Even when he wanted to kiss Yeonjun in his car this time.

They did kiss, alright. And Yeonjun usually had no qualms about kissing boys. He kissed a lot of boys on various forgotten dates, and this one would just be one of them. Except it started hurting when their lips met. 

A sharp pain stung him on his nape, making the patch of skin set aflame in a burning sensation. It eventually dulled, but Yeonjun was already shoving the guy away, trying to see the cause of his pain. 

Kai blinked a few times, confused and worried, but quickly understood when he offered to check where Yeonjun was hurting. His gentle fingers brushed across where the soulmate mark lay.

“You met your soulmate, didn’t you?”

“I don’t see what could be the problem?”

There was a sigh from the younger before he settled into a smug smile, sinking back into his seat and forgetting everything about the kiss the moment he started explaining about the whole soulmate business. As if he was an expert in it. 

But he knew a lot, since he apparently had met his soulmate (aka his constantly ex-boyfriend) ever since they were very young. He told Yeonjun that every time he was with someone else and had any romantic involvement with someone else, it would hurt his soulmate mark. A punishment. 

Yeonjun sank into his seat as well, thinking of Soobin, and how much he had to love his boyfriend to endure that kind of pain for a while. 

He did voice his curiosity the next time he met the male, which was answered with a soft smile and a “he endured years of uncertainty, thinking that I’d leave the moment I found my soulmate. This is the least I can do for him.”

“Do you feel any difference when you’re with me then? The universe can’t be this unfair.”

Soobin gave him a look, before he reached across the counter to put his hand on top of Yeonjun’s. The tattooist noticed the colourful bracelet wrapped around his wrist first before he registered the sensation when Soobin linked their fingers together. 

The warm sensation radiating from the touch and travelling down through his system, settling on Yeonjun’s cheeks in a familiar tickling warmth of flush.

“ _Oh._ ”

“Oh, indeed,” Soobin laughed, taking his hand away and all the sensation that came with it. “But this kind of feeling? This comes after the pain, too.”

“I guess he’s worth the pain.”

Soobin smiled, eyes shimmering with the blue and silver ocean light again. “He is.”

And really, Yeonjun should’ve learned better and stopped believing that a love that beautiful could exist in this polluted world. He should’ve seen it coming, just so he wouldn’t crash so hard into the reality that night. That the soulmate system broke his belief in love once again.

It started as a Sunday that went too warm and too long. Soobin’s stay was never prolonged. After all, he had someone he came home to. 

That day, he took his time, savouring every moment they spent and holding Yeonjun back by a tug on the hem of his shirt when he was about to leave. “Can I stay? I’m having a bad day.”

“And that’s my business because?” he scoffed playfully, losing all traces of teasing on his voice when he looked down to the top of Soobin’s head, which was held down. 

Out of all the colours his soulmate brought into his life, this had to be the grayest, darkest one. And he understood why instantly, as the male looked up with a small smile tugging his lips.

“It’s Beomgyu, he left,” he said, trying to hide the broken shreds of his heart from his voice. “I just need to be away from that quiet apartment.”

“You’re not going to tell me what happened?”

“No question, not yet.”

How could he say no, when Soobin was looking at him with a dimpled smile that didn’t reach his eyes?

He didn’t even complain throughout the days of randomness. A mix of random colours splashed together into the attempt to not feel alone. Soobin let him dye his hair pink, gasping at the change of air around him when they were done, leaving a mess of bleach and pink dye on the floor of the studio’s tiny bathroom.

One day turned into the whole weekend, and eventually weekdays, too, as Soobin constantly showed up with a bunch of food packages, underestimating their ability to eat as they ended up with a bunch of leftovers. Ones that he couldn’t bring back home for a certain blond whose name hung in the air between them like an elephant in the room.

Every time it was brought up, the answer was always the same. _Not yet_. 

But how long was too long of a wait?

How many cracks someone could take in their heart before they broke down? 

Soobin might not know it, but Yeonjun could see the cracks forming after certain times where Soobin would burst out into genuine laughter, only to have it vanquished by guilt. The cracks that appeared whenever he allowed himself to be happy; whenever he convinced himself that he could be happy.

The cracks that formed whenever Soobin looked up and found Yeonjun instead of the person he wanted to see the most.

How ironic, the way it made him feel like he’s the one who stole the colours from his soulmate instead of giving them to him.

It was a humid summer night when the inevitable happened. Yeonjun had three sessions back to back, and was about to close his studio when Soobin came in. He looked sick, but waved it off as the effect of eating too much ice cream. 

Yeonjun didn’t really question it until they ended up in the cramped storage room. The shelf dug against his back as Soobin cornered him, whispering _Can I kiss you, hyungie?_ so close against his lips, that he could taste the strawberry ice cream from his breath. And how could he say no when Soobin’s eyes looked so broken and desperate? 

He let his soulmate take his breath away with his pair of plush lips pressed against his, and then more. 

There was nothing in the world that could describe the feeling of kissing your soulmate for the first time. The colourful sparks of colours you’ve never seen in your life exploding behind your eyelids. Sweet liquid replacing your blood in your veins, painting your insides in a kind of excitement about love that you hadn’t felt since you were a teenager.

It was exquisite. 

Until it wasn’t

There were clatter of his tools dropping from their spots as he shoved Soobin away, sending him to stumble back into the shelf behind him. They stood there in silence. A single low-watt lamp glaring at them from above, highlighting their shame. 

“We’re not here for this, Soobin-ah,“ he tried to piece up his words, only for them to come out in a sentence that sounded like a distorted radio channel. “You’re supposed to make it right, not fuck it up even more, damn it.” 

“Hyung,” Soobin said carefully, his voice alert. “What if this is just how it meant to be? That any other way we take, it’d just go down in flame? Beomgyu left me for a reason, and this… this. Is this right?”

Yeonjun started at him, trying to tap into his feelings and figure out how he felt about his soulmate kissing him because he broke up with his boyfriend. It was the pain in Soobin’s eyes that made it dawn on him, the realization that this situation was so pathetic and ridiculous. 

And then he was laughing, running his fingers through his perfectly styled hair and cursing under his breath. “You kissed me, your soulmate, because you lost your boyfriend. Are you that desperate for love, Soobin-ah?” 

There was a flash of irritation in Soobin’s eyes, which only made him laugh some more. The male wouldn’t take offense if it wasn’t true. 

“It wasn’t because of that.”

“It fucking was!” 

“No!” Soobin snapped, and Yeonjun flinched at the volume of his voice, which killed his laughter. Soobin exhaled an exasperated sigh. “It’s not because he left me. It’s because I froze when he left me”

“What?”

“I didn’t go after him, hyung. For that second as I watched him walk away, I had this thought that maybe it was bound to happen, that _this_ is where I meant to be, with you. I betrayed him.”

Yeonjun stayed silent afterwards, watching as Soobin tried to control his breathing, while he leaned his back against the shelf. His head tipped back to stare at the yellow light bulb.

In the end, it was _him_. 

He was the reason why Soobin gave up on the love he once claimed as his true love.

The soulmate mark felt heavy on his neck, reminding him of the series of cursed relationships he had every time he decided to believe in love. In the end, it really came to bite him in the ass. Only this time, it was not only his heart that ended up in pieces this time.

At the very last. It happened. 

He didn’t know it would happen in this kind of place after such a scenario. In a dimly lit storage room, with his heartbroken soulmate, after the best kiss of his life.

He closed his eyes, inhaled, and opened his eyes. The world sucked, but he knew what he had to do to make it suck less, at least for the ones he loved. 

This was the third strike.

==

“There’s no use even if you end up cutting me off, hyung. He won’t talk to me ever again.”

“Then you keep going,” Yeonjun said into the call. “Isn’t he worth it?”

A pause, then a sigh. “He is.”

“If you’re only picking convenience because the other one is difficult, that’s not love, Soobin-ah. You always go for the ruthless path knowing it will be worth it in the end.”

“Look at that, my soulmate is lecturing me about love.”

Yeonjun scoffs at the sound of laughter from the other side of the call. “I’m hanging up.”

“Hyung,” Soobin halted him before he could bring his phone away from his ear. “You’re not just a convenience for me.”

Yeonjun pretended not to hear as he swiped the screen to end the call.

==

The two did get back together. 

Yeonjun got to hear it from Beomgyu himself, with his unexpected entrance to the tattoo studio during a busy hour. The blonde was fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket, pulling them over his fingers. A nervous gesture.

This was the first time he saw Beomgyu with all his colours, while Yeonjun must still be the same old black and white version of him. He didn’t think the male could look even prettier than the first time he walked into the studio, and he really was not strong enough to deal with another pretty boy he’s not allowed to fall in love with.

So he told him to leave, ignoring the flash of hurt crossing his face at his curt reply. “I have another appointment right now. You should’ve made one.”

“I’m gonna wait here, then! Don’t mind me, hyung. I’ll just be here,” he broke into a bright smile, shooing Yeonjun back into his working room before he turned around to sit on the waiting room chair. 

It was clearly a front, one that he skilfully kept on his face the whole time since the first day of their meeting, even after he saw his boyfriend’s soulmate mark proudly branding his tattooist’s skin. Putting up that kind of bright demeanour wouldn’t be so easy, and Yeonjun knew it because Beomgyu’s face turned solemn once he returned to the working area. 

From his working chair, he had a clear look on the waiting room, and he could see how Beomgyu sank into the metal chair, gently hitting himself on the head. For a whole minute, he watched the feigned excitement dissipate from his eyes. 

Sadness didn’t look pretty on Choi Beomgyu. 

He really shouldn’t make the guy feel bad for being in love. 

Even if it meant he absorbed sadness from his smaller frame. It would be okay as long as he could keep the twinkling stars alive in the boy’s eyes. 

A few hours later, he was sitting there on his working chair. Only that Beomgyu was the one sitting on the treatment chair. A very similar scene as their first day meeting, except this time, there was a tattoo on the same shape as his own, inked neatly right over Beomgyu’s heart. 

He would’ve given everything to see this soulmate mark on Beomgyu that day. 

It’s too bad that he had to be the one inking his skin with the mark, and this was meant for someone else. This was for Soobin, a big _fuck you_ to the universe because he could make himself Soobin’s soulmate by wearing the same brand as the guy. 

This tattoo, along with the quote branding him low on his waist, were all his declaration of a love deeper than a soulmate’s for Choi Soobin. 

They talked during the tattoo session, now that Yeonjun tried to bring back his friendly attitude. But there was one question that stuck on Yeonjun’s mind even once Beomgyu buttoned his shirt back up (Soobin’s button up shirt, he’d seen it on the guy the other day they met) and left the place. 

_“You don’t hate me, Yeonjun-ssi?”_

It made him want to laugh again, which apparently was his reaction to pain these days. He told Beomgyu _no_ , that he didn’t hate Beomgyu. And he meant it. 

He hated that he was happy for them. He hated that he was happy Beomgyu was loved well, and that the two boys were in love with each other so much to even bend the fate. 

Something that nobody else in Yeonjun’s life had made possible before.

But most of all, he hated the way he wanted to be a part of such pure love. For even considering for a second to be selfish and claim his soulmate as his, because that’s what predetermined. Or thinking that he wanted to be the person who brought colours into Beomgyu’s black and whiteness instead of Soobin. After all he had gone through, he deserved this kind of love too. 

He hated himself for these thoughts. 

He hated how they made him consider love again. Because love hurts, and Yeonjun willingly felt the pain for it meant that he could let the two people he fell in love with have their happy ending.

==

And really, Yeonjun should’ve been more careful with his words. 

He was meant to cut Soobin off from his life, and he didn’t think Beomgyu would ever show up again after their last tattoo session. 

It was apparently caused by the damned _“You know this makes you my soulmate too, right?”_ he said to Beomgyu teasingly in regard to their shared ‘soulmate marks’, that somehow served as an invitation for the two lovebirds to show up constantly. Even days and weeks afterwards. 

It was already impossible to get rid of Beomgyu, and Soobin came with him like a package. 

Soobin usually came on the weekends when he didn’t have to go to work. And just like that, traces of him started to be seen in the lonesome tattoo studio. The package of food Soobin dropped off on his desk when he was occupied in his working area, or little things that did not make sense and make Yeonjun glare at him, only for the tall guy to stumble out of the place laughing heartily.

(“I got the rainbow cake we talked about the other day, hyung! They didn’t sell out today.” 

“I saw this tiny fox miniature on a street vendor the other day, keep this here, okay?” 

“Face stickers are a thing these days! Keep these for the days you feel cute.”)

He never stayed for long, knowing that Yeonjun wasn’t accepting his presence well. But he became a constant.

Beomgyu’s presence came into his life as more intruding one. 

He usually dropped by during empty slots on his schedule (after stalking his booking website) just to accompany him when the day was slow. He became a quiet addition to the monochrome-dominated tattoo studio, sometimes came with a small canvas to show off his new painting, a stain of pink on his cheek, with a few more colourful ones all over his fingers. 

Beomgyu might not see it, but he was always the brightest, most colourful presence in the room.

Other times he just sat there to watch Yeonjun practice on a dummy skin. Or his own skin. After finding out that Yeonjun didn’t mind his presence, he became a louder one, asking to see the various tattoos hidden under his clothes.

(He stopped only after Yeonjun showed the spider one he had on his chest.)

Yeonjun ended up teaching him how to handle the tattoo machine. When the younger was confident enough in his newly acquired skill, he decided to ink something small on his own wrist, and broke into tears instantly as the needle touched his skin.

(“Don’t act like I didn’t anesthetize you,” Yeonjun scoffed. “You’ve gone through this several times too.”

“It’s still scary that I can feel the vibration two times as much!” he yelled defensively, tears in his eyes magically not blurring his sight when drawing over the initial design on his skin. 

“Weak.”

“Hey!”)

Eventually, there were days where the three of them also hung out together.

One day when Yeonjun posted on his twitter that he wanted to try the new ramyeon place, the two showed up near the closing hour of his studio to drag him away. The excuse being _“we’ve wanted to try the ramyeon for a while, so might as well!”_ , but he knew that Soobin couldn’t eat spicy food, and Beomgyu liked home-cooked food better.

Or the other day where Yeonjun was invited to a house-warming party to the new place Beomgyu and Soobin moved in to, only to discover that he was the only guest. He almost threw the cake he bought for them last minute right into Beomgyu’s grinning face.

“Those ungrateful friends, right! They never came to anything but parties with alcohol!”

Or the day Beomgyu brought his friend to the tattoo studio because the guy was curious about the random appearances of his new tattoos. Weirdly enough, the Taehyun guy seemed to take more interest in Yeonjun from the moment he entered the place. The pair of round eyes kept following his movement, until he finally snapped and asked what he wanted to say through his gritted teeth and fake smile. 

“You went out with Kai, right?” Taehyun finally spilled what’s been bugging him. 

Yeonjun almost choked at the straightforwardness. “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“So you’re the ex he broke up with 14 times,” he snorted, finding it amusing how small the friendship circles in this city were, that he could actually meet the ex-boyfriend of one of his dates. “I’m surprised he told you about me, or showed you my picture.”

“We tell each other everything. Don’t be mistaken, it’s not like I mind or anything, we usually go out on dates with other people when we break up.”

He said that, yet Yeonjun felt the jealousy dripping through every syllable. Young lovers. 

The same tone could be traced in Beomgyu’s voice later on when he talked to Yeonjun again, just before he had to catch up to his friend who left first. He hadn’t noticed that the younger had gone unusually silent until then. 

“Hyung, you belong only to us, you can’t go out with Kai,” Beomgyu said, a frown tugging on his visage as if he was really bothered about it. No playfulness in sight. 

It made Yeonjun stay stunned there, blinking a few times until his hand got taken. His palm meeting the front of Beomgyu’s sweater, rested on the spot right above his heart. The spot where Yeonjun had tattooed their soulmate mark into Beomgyu’s skin. 

“You’re our soulmate, remember?”

Just like that, he left Yeonjun dumbfounded in his safe space. 

That was when it dawned on him, that he couldn’t detach himself from the two even as he had given up on them that day. Instead, he felt _included_. As if he was included. Like they wanted him around even if they couldn’t return his feelings.

Hope was a dangerous thing for a guy like him to have, as it always let him down so many times in the past. Especially hope about love. 

==

“So, you three are in a relationship together?” Sooyoung asked, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she started to actually show interest in what Yeonjun had to say. 

“It doesn’t work like that,” he groaned. “Fuck. It’s cold, I hate you.”

She tipped her head in laughter, knocking her soju bottle against his. “I don’t want you to waste money on my overpriced drinks, though you’d probably fall asleep after like two shots.”

It was especially ironic because they were sitting at the step near the back door of the bar she worked at, only that they were drinking soju and beer from a convenience store nearby. The drinks were better than the fancy one sold in the place. Yeonjun only needed her company anyway.

“I wish I had gotten out of their way sooner, then it wouldn’t be this complicated,” he mumbled around the rim of his bottle. 

“It’s only complicated because you like them so much, right?” she offered. “So why can’t you three just date?

“You don’t understand. You’ve never seen the way they look at each other… It’s a whole different world I can’t walk into.”

“Hm?”

“It’s like they could only see each other. Colours or black and white, it doesn’t matter.”

She snorted. “Well, have you ever seen the way they look at you?”

Yeonjun thought for a minute, then made another groan of frustration as he downed his second bottle of soju. It was easier to process pain as he was used to it, but to register a chance of someone actually in love with him? It’s impossible. 

As it never happened.

Drinking was nice. The only downside to it was that alcohol made Yeonjun sleepy. 

He wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up discovering that Sooyoung already called a cab to get him home, but tonight was different. 

When his consciousness pierced past the cloudy smoke of intoxication, he felt himself being carried on someone’s back. He heard the hushed voice of people talking, but his eyelids were too heavy. He didn’t even drink much. It was the exhaustion and intoxication mixing into one, lulling him to sleep. 

He mildly wondered if they started offering piggyback cab, but even that sounded ridiculous to his clouded mind. Everything didn’t make sense until his clouds gave away to the conversation that he heard. 

“…can’t do that, Soobin-ah. Every time I look at him… it’s just, maybe I should leave, so you two can be together.”

“Beomgyu,” the second whispered voice was closer to his ear. A usually comforting voice was now laced with sadness. “We agreed. No more leaving or breaking up. I can’t stand losing you once again.”

“And I can’t keep doing this, hyung. Look at him, I don’t want him to be miserable just because of my existence.”

“Why… why can’t we all just be in love together?” 

There was a pause, before Beomgyu broke into a sad laughter. 

“I know we talked about liking Yeonjun hyung and him being our soulmate all the time, but Soobin-ah, you can’t just force someone to be in love when they are not.”

Yeonjun was lulled into sleep once again, except this time was an uneasy one. Another weight added to the coil of wire wrapped around his heart, making it tighten around the poor, beating little thing. 

Hope was a dangerous thing, and he fell for it once again. 

==

After waking up in his bed that morning (a post-it stuck on his phone, Beomgyu’s neat handwriting of ‘ _let’s have breakfast together once you’re up, sleepyhead!_ ’), Yeonjun closed his studio for a few days and cancelled the appointments he had. He sent a quick goodbye message to Sooyoung who’s still asleep before going ahead with his plan. 

Home. 

Where everything started. 

It was not as dull as he thought. There were colours following his steps as he walked into the place. The trophies of his school days’ achievements glared at him from the shelves, followed by some family pictures. Looking at this house through his brand new eyes, he wasn’t sure if this was the same place who kept him captive for most of his teenage years. 

His mother still had the perpetually solemn look in her face, but her eyes brightened visibly at the sight of her son, and even more for the three days he spent with her. 

They didn’t talk much and when they did, it was only about common things, so Yeonjun couldn’t help but wonder if she had found a new love. Or if she had gotten back together with her soulmate. That could be the only reason why the house gained its colours back.

When Yeonjun asked her the questions in his mind, she broke into a hearty laugh. 

“No way! I did date some people, but it’s never your dad, Yeonjun-ah.”

“So it’s true that you two did hate each other.”

She sighed, then looked straight into Yeonjun’s eyes with a knowing smile. “I understand why you’d think so, but no. He’s always been in love with someone else, and I can’t take it away from him.”

“I don’t… understand…” he frowned. “You were so upset. _We_ were furious at him for leaving us.”

“I did for a while, because I was selfish. We were in love, but there are other kinds of love, Yeonjun. He found his _one_ , and that’s not me. I realized that if I loved him, I should let him go.”

“But…”

“Your soulmate is not only your romantic partner, you know that right?”

Yeonjun had experienced many kinds of love throughout his experiences with people. Hopeless love, meaningless love, platonic love, soulmate love. His one. His _ones_. All of those experiences led him to this moment where he finally understood what broke his trust in love in the beginning. If his mom had told him this years ago, he would never get it. 

“You did that, even when you knew you wouldn’t see colours anymore?”

She nodded. “I’d do it all over again.”

After that, she started suggesting that he should let his father contact him again, but Yeonjun just brushed her off. Not now. For now, he had someone else to deal with first. 

That someone else came in the form of Soobin entering a dimly lit pub the night after. His eyes searching frantically for a certain blue haired male. Once he got to the table, he looked like he had a thousand things to say. A complaint to shout at the elder for not replying his texts or answering his calls. 

“I’m leaving,” Yeonjun beat him to it, shoving a piece of meat into his mouth to silence him for a bit. 

Soobin stayed stunned for a moment, chewing unsurely on the food before he found his voice again. “Why? 

“Just, stuff. About time I set up a bigger tattoo studio anyway.”

“Oh.”

“My mom just told me that she let go of her soulmate because she loved him, so,” he took a deep breath, eyes watching his chopsticks flipping some meat pieces that didn’t look as appetizing anymore. “I’m going to leave you two, Soobin-ah.”

He didn’t dare to look up, didn’t want to in case he saw relief in Soobin’s face. 

There was only a hitch of breath from the latter, then a deep exhale. He couldn’t seem to find what to say. Thank you? Sorry? The internet was not equipped with things to say to a third person who’s going to leave willingly. 

“Do you hate Beomgyu?” that’s what he finally asked in the end. 

And Yeonjun. Yeonjun burst into laughter. He asked that question a million times to himself, convinced himself that he _had_ to, just to make things easier. 

But you don’t do that. You don’t just hate Choi Beomgyu.

“It would be way easier if I hated him,” he scoffed, lifting his gaze to finally catch Soobin’s eyes after like forever. “It’s because I love him that I want you two to be happy. If it was hate I felt for him, I’d snatch you away any day.”

“I don’t understand… Why are you leaving, then?“

“I’ve been in love with him ever since the first day I saw him,” he said abruptly, staring at the now charcoal coloured meat on the fryer. Helpless, just like him. “But for him, I’ve always just been your soulmate, Soobin-ah. I can’t hang around and make him feel like he has to make up for it. Because you guys are not taking anything from me by being in love.”

“Hyung, please...“

His words were cut off as Yeonjun threw his chopsticks harshly onto his plate. 

Because the meat pieces were finally burnt and they were not salvageable anymore and smoke was starting to fill the space between them and his eyes stung. He wanted to believe his eyes stung because of the smoke and not because he was voicing his decision to let go of the boys he loved. That his eyes were filled with tears for the wasted meal and not because his heart was breaking inside his chest; put up together just by the coil squeezing his heart so hard he couldn’t breathe.

His mother never mentioned this. The cost of being selfless. The ache that gradually built up in his chest, threatening to break his heart into pieces. She said that doing this was a sign of love.

If this was the price he had to pay for being in love, then so be it.

“Soobin-ah,” he broke the painful silence stretching between them, staring straight into Soobin’s eyes. “If you ever loved me, even just a little bit, please let me go.”

That was it. The finality. 

He just hoped Soobin had the mercy to leave before his tears couldn’t be contained anymore. 

But Soobin was a constant, and he did not _just_ leave whenever convenient. He stayed there and took care of the stove, turning it off and waved away the smoke. 

When the air between them was cleared again, Yeonjun caught a smile on Soobin’s lips, followed by a touch to his cheek that radiated so much warmth and _love_ he almost choked from the intensity. It only caused a drop of a desperately contained tear to roll down his cheek. 

Love wasn't supposed to hurt this much. 

“I thought I was in love with one cute idiot,” he started, smiling softly as he caught a drop of tear with his thumb. “but apparently I’m in love with _two_.”

  
  


==

“Yah, Choi Beomgyu,” Soobin said from the first second he stepped into the place.

Even as he toed his shoes off, he never released his hold on Yeonjun’s arm, ignoring his complaints that died down on his tongue the moment he heard quick footsteps coming towards the entrance, followed by his breath being taken away when Beomgyu showed up. 

He had a big blanket wrapped around him, falling down onto the floor around his socked feet when he saw the two, certainly not expecting the appearance of a certain tattooist coming into his home with his boyfriend.

“He cried when I got the text, cause you only wanted to see me,” Soobin chimed in teasingly, answered by a loud yell by the youngest of the three.

“I hate you!”

“Yeah? Now tell Yeonjun hyung what you promised to say if you ever got to see him again.”

Beomgyu averted his gaze briefly towards Yeonjun before he directed his glare towards Soobin again. “Hyung being here is the only reason I haven’t choked you right now.” Even through his irritated gaze, there was a trace of relief. Like he had waited for the two boys to show up through the door the whole day. 

But it wouldn’t have happened if Soobin didn’t beg him after Yeonjun was going to storm out of the pub from his comically offensive words. Soobin was the one who kept him still, never letting go of his hand, and promised him that he would never bother the elder anymore. 

_“As long as you come home with me for a bit. Just this once, hyung. I have something to show you, and I would hate myself for the rest of my life if you never got to find out.”_

The thing Soobin wanted to _give_ to him came in the form of Beomgyu pacing around the room before he finally clung onto Yeonjun’s arm the moment he got up to leave from the room being too suffocating. It came in the form of Beomgyu pressing his face into Yeonjun’s arm, whispering almost inaudibly, yet still discernible, onto his shirt. 

And really, Yeonjun felt like his brain was making up things from inhaling too much smoke.

“Please stay. Stay and I will make you love me back, so we can all be in love together. It won’t take long, since you even fell for that idiot over there, so you can totally fall for me.”

Soobin snorted. So he must have heard it too. It was not just his brain playing games with him. Yet the only thing that he could respond with was

“What…?”

Beomgyu whined, hugging his arm tighter, before he finally lifted his face to speak more clearly. His round eyes were desperate, searching Yeonjun’s face. He started to sound like he was on the verge of crying.

“Please stay with us. Even if you don’t like me now, just tolerate me for a little longer. A few days, a month? I’m easy to love, I’m—“

“That is true.”

“Right? I mean, what—did you even hear what I said?” Beomgyu was the one frowning this time, questioning the elder with his eyes. 

Yeonjun lifted his gaze to meet Soobin’s, finally getting what he meant back at the pub that almost made him throw the hot burning pieces of meat at the boy. 

"No," he said firmly, noticing the way the younger one tensed up against him. A flash of hurt crossed his eyes, poorly masked by a twitch of his lips into a forced smile. So, he continued. “I don't need a week or a month. My feelings are not numbered by days, that's my answer for your question last time."

"What?" he blinked slowly, long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. 

"I’m already in love with you. Ever since the first time you walked into my studio. I've always been in love with you, Choi Beomgyu. So, _no_. I don't need to stay just for a few days.”

It was supposed to be a romantic moment. Something that deserved mellow background music or a dramatic closing credit equivalent to romance movies that ended with happy endings.

What Yeonjun got was a harsh shove that made him land on the floor on his butt, followed by a warm body pressing against him. Arms wrapped around his waist and face pressed to his chest. He almost complained in annoyance, only for it to melt away when he registered a soft, relieved sob against his shirt. 

“Why did you never say anything? I’ve been _there_ , begging for your attention, thinking that you’re only barely tolerating my presence.”

“Because,” Yeonjun took a deep breath, watching as Soobin walked over to them. He reached his hand out towards the taller male, watching as their fingers locked together briefly, before he wrapped his arms around Beomgyu’s smaller frame, gathering him closer against him. “Because I thought that you can’t just force someone to be in love when they are not.”

Then he felt it, the moment they were locked in that embrace. The pain. 

It started as a burning sensation on his nape just like that night in the car, except this time, it ebbed away more quickly. The pain turned into something warmer, more pleasant, trickling into his system like thick honey. It was a sensation that felt so close to what he felt when he held hands with Soobin or that one time they kissed. 

He realized that it was just the sensation of being in love. Even the stars couldn't take this away from him. 

“No, I don’t want a hug!” Beomgyu suddenly wriggled away from the embrace, whacking him in the chest. 

“Uh, okay?”

“I want to kiss you, idiot hyung. I’ve always wanted to do that and you just… _ugh_!”

Before he could yell more or possibly attack Yeonjun with that _kiss_ he’d always wanted, Soobin caught him from behind, wrapping his arms around Beomgyu in a tight hug that rendered him immobile. 

“We only kissed after our first date so nope, you have to take him out on a date first.” Soobin said, laughing gleefully when Beomgyu tried wriggling himself out from the restraint to no avail. 

“Choi Soobin! I really don’t like you right now!”

As Yeonjun stared at the two wrestling just inches away from where he sat on the floor, he realized that this was the kind of _love_ he had been searching for. 

This is where he belongs.

==

Later on as Beomgyu fell asleep from too much crying (and yelling), curled up on the couch with his head on Yeonjun’s lap. (“Just so you won’t run away when I’m asleep,” he claimed sleepily). Yeonjun’s eyes found Soobin who watched them with fond eyes from the other edge of the couch, the male flushed when he caught Yeonjun’s eyes, clearing his throat as he looked somewhere else.

That was the pink. The same colour as his hair right now. The colour he saw the first time he met his soulmate.

Choi Soobin was always pink for him. His excitement. The purest form of love he could offer as a child when he was still whole. 

Choi Beomgyu, he loved in monochrome. He made Yeonjun want to stay in black and white for eternity even if it cost him the joy of colours.

_Close your eyes. Inhale. Open your eyes._ The world sucks, but Yeonjun is allowed to love in both colours and black and white. So maybe it’s not that bad. 

==

(“Soobin-ah. If I was not just a convenience for you, what am I?”

He smiled, sighing as he leaned in to whisper into his ear. 

“You’re a dream come true.”

Now he understood Beomgyu’s persistence to ink Soobin’s words into his skin.)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a commission request from Paltita!! Thank you for making me write yeonjun's side of this soulmates!au. This was one of the first soogyus I wrote, so I hope I only made the au better by revisiting it after months.


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